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Growing up on a farm, you get used to death. Seemingly healthy calves fall away to nothing and die from something as simple as having a bad dose of the shits. A cow sits down to push out a calf and only gets back up when the hydraulic arm of John Greene’s truck hoists her…

When the World Cup rolls around, there’s inevitably some footage of a barefoot Brazilian child playing football with a soup can against the backdrop of his favela. The kid stands still, placing one foot on top of the soup can and you just know he’s dreaming of playing in the World Cup. It then time…

When I was six, I dressed up as Jonah Lomu for a fancy dress.  I say I was six because that is the age I always attribute to such events – how old was I when I first milked a cow? I was six and I used to stand on a bucket. How old was…

I started earning my own money at fifteen by milking cows. From there, my farm relief empire grew and instead of getting shit on by my boss, I was getting shit on by my minions (cows) with increasing regularity. The hours were miserable, the work was hard, and I had an ingrained smell of shit…

Sometimes Christina and I wonder what exactly we have in common. Often we come up extremely short. She doesn’t have much interest in sports, most good television, or rare steak, and I don’t like Energy Barre, other people’s weddings, or coffee.  We both share a natural affinity for consuming colossal amounts of potato chips while…

I have hated shaving ever since I was eight and ripped multiple holes in my face and neck with a disposable razor trying to mimic my father. Much like a girl who developed earlier than the other girls in High School, I’m not afraid to say that I have been well endowed in the stubble…

As someone who has always struggled with a distinct and very real lack of eyebrows, I have tried not to pay too much attention to mine or others. People are generally too focused on my abnormally large head to even notice my eyebrows. I have had very short, emotionally-stunted eyebrows for as long as I…

SPOILER ALERT: This post gives away the entire plot – such as it is – of the movie. It will also make you kind of want to watch the movie, too. Aside from being a snore-fest of a movie in which everyone in Ireland, except for the hunky leading man, is a walking cliche, this…

I went to the gym for the first time last week. Not the first time ever although it did feel like that at times. I was immediately contacted by a personal trainer to set up my free session that all members receive upon joining. I had been through this at a previous gym and it…