I started earning my own money at fifteen by milking cows. From there, my farm relief empire grew and instead of getting shit on by my boss, I was getting shit on by my minions (cows) with increasing regularity. The hours were miserable, the work was hard, and I had an ingrained smell of shit…
Sometimes Christina and I wonder what exactly we have in common. Often we come up extremely short. She doesn’t have much interest in sports, most good television, or rare steak, and I don’t like Energy Barre, other people’s weddings, or coffee. We both share a natural affinity for consuming colossal amounts of potato chips while…
I have hated shaving ever since I was eight and ripped multiple holes in my face and neck with a disposable razor trying to mimic my father. Much like a girl who developed earlier than the other girls in High School, I’m not afraid to say that I have been well endowed in the stubble…
As someone who has always struggled with a distinct and very real lack of eyebrows, I have tried not to pay too much attention to mine or others. People are generally too focused on my abnormally large head to even notice my eyebrows. I have had very short, emotionally-stunted eyebrows for as long as I…
The honeymoon was one of my few responsibilities for the wedding. This goes some way towards explaining why it happened five months after the fact. The other reasons were lack of funds and vacation time, and wanting to use any break as an escape from a probable Boston winter that would make a eunuch of…
Waking up the morning after the wedding, I felt better than I had after previous weddings I had been to with Christina. At her cousin’s wedding the previous summer, I accompanied her up to the room with the intention of putting her to bed and going back down to continue the party. I did as…
SPOILER ALERT: This post gives away the entire plot – such as it is – of the movie. It will also make you kind of want to watch the movie, too. Aside from being a snore-fest of a movie in which everyone in Ireland, except for the hunky leading man, is a walking cliche, this…
There is little to say about this day that can’t be done by videos and photos. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to jot down a couple thousand words anyway. I got up at seven and made my way down the road to take a walk around the farm, partly to make sure everything still…
It was Wednesday evening and all of the “this-time-two-days-we’ll-be…” shite-hawking was uttered with embarrassing regularity. We were readying ourselves for the church rehearsal and dinner afterwards. All wheels were turning. Jeans and a shirt weren’t deemed respectable enough for the groom to wear and I was forced to change into something more dashing, not only…
Living in America and marrying an American gave this wedding a whole new dimension, one that I had only ever seen satirized on television and in the movies. At least I thought it was satire until I lived it. The Registry What is a registry, you ask? Well you know how people in Ireland give…
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